The Sleep Chronicles

Sleep is our elusive baby challenge these days... is he napping well? Can he learn how to get himself to sleep? What can we do better? Because this is so tough, and because we want to get better at this, we are constantly talking things over, seeking advice, and observing Noah. This is a pretty significant part of our daily lives right now, so I wanted to document it here, on Noah's "baby book".
This is really just me, preserving this part of our lives in text so we can look back and laugh, roll our eyes, or sigh, remembering just how all-encompassing this was in Noah's first few months. What follows are a few excerpts I submitted to online baby message boards... written when Joe and I were seeking advice on Noah's patchy sleep habits from the vast mass of online moms and experts:

January 23, 2008: Why is it Getting Harder? 9 Week Old Sleep Issues

"I am so frustrated. Right now, my DH [dear husband] is walking/shushing my baby around as we try to get him calm and ready for a nap. It seems that when things get the worst, there is no time to write anyone for advice, so I am frantically trying to remember what it is I want to ask about (darn sleep deprivation) and get it typed before my son needs me again.

My baby, 9 weeks old, is fighting naps. What has worked in the past seems to have lost its power. White noise is sort of helpful right now, we swaddle every time, we sway, shush, pat, put him down drowsy, etc. But currently, he SCREAMS at the swaddle and can’t be soothed… sometimes I wonder if all of our calming is directly related to the swaddle issue and that we are actually calming him down from hating the swaddle, not being tired. Too, he has been harder to put down drowsy. I find that in order for him to get any sleep at all, I have to let him doze off in my arms (cradle hold, with a patting motion and a paci) and then ever-so-gently put him down and pray he doesn’t rouse.

He seems more upset these days… Seems to fight everything we are trying for him… Ugh. I am so sad and tired and overwhelmed and helpless that I don’t even know what to ask now. All the advice I get from books and from friends sounds really good at the time, but then seems completely irrelevant when we’re in the midst of his desperate cries. I don’t know what to believe, who to follow, how to help him, and NOW I’m worried that if we keep trying “new” things, we’re just making it harder for him to figure things out and we’re actually making it worse.

Anyone? Help? Or should I just cry for a while and let him cry in my arms with me and wait until… oh, I don’t know, age 7?"

UPDATE--
One Week Later, January 30, 2008: Why is it Getting Harder? 9 Week Old Sleep Issues

"So, i am pretty tardy in coming back to this post... I've been very busy focusing on my baby and watching the changes he is going through. He is now 10 weeks, and after several "off" days, he is a bit more "workable" again. We have been able to put him down drowsy but awake about 50% of the time. The rest of the time, we get him asleep, then lay him down carefully. We've been really needing his swing for naps, and while I know that's a prop, it is one I am more than willing to compromise with right now and work on later. *Sorry, Experts!* He does well in his crib for nighttimes, so I feel like he is not 100% reliant on one way or another.

So, since Noah is doing better, here is what we have found works--

We still swaddle, and he still screams. But he sleeps so well with it that we are not ready for him to wean, and honestly, I think he is not ready either. Since he has gotten bigger, he has gotten better at breaking out of the swaddle, unfortunately, so we have taken to "double-swaddling", wrapping him in the flannel swaddle first, then using a velcro-Swaddle-Me to "seal it". He has done MUCH better since this switch. I think he likes the tighter fit.

My hubby and I are really not sure how we feel about the idea of CIO [cry it out]. So my hubby decided he had the patience to try a different version of it. Previously, when Noah would fuss and continue to fuss, we would shift his position, change our rhythm, switch parents, add a binkie, ANYthing to get his behavior to change. My hubby started to wonder if all the switching was actually contributing to the problem, so he decided to watch the clock one day while he maintained a steady cradle-hold "sh/pat". Sure, my LO [little one] cried and cried. So, in a way, he was CIO. But he was in my DH's [dear husband's] arms, not left alone, so it doesn't REALLY count as CIO. My DH maintained his exact motion and rhythm, didn't deviate from his efforts, no switching positions, and after nearly 15 full minutes of pretty solid crying and wailing, miraculously my son calmed down. Within 3-4 more minutes, my hubby had him in the 7-mile stare and was able to lay him down awake. Less than 10 minutes later, he was asleep. Since then, my hubby has made this his permanent technique for putting our LO to bed and it is highly successful. Amazing.

As for me, I am learning to watch for a mantra-style cry versus a REAL cry, so I have stood back and waited for the mid-nap fusses to subside. Sometimes they actually DO, and he puts himself back to sleep! Amazing! Before, I would immediately pick him up, robbing him of the chance to self-soothe. Now, many times, this DOESN'T work, so then I DO pick him up and re-rock him back to drowsiness. Sometimes, there is just no putting him back to sleep. *sigh*

Still, we have had some MAJOR successes, and I am fairly confident again. So, until his NEXT growth spurt/developmental freakout/whatever you want to call it, we are doing okay."

***

January 30, 2008: Fussy Mid-Nap Wake-Ups

"Okay... SO my LO went down at 2:50 for a nap. We usually try to get about 1.5 hours of sleep each nap period. Sometimes we do, other times we don't. For this nap, here is what has occurred:

2:50-3:20-- good, solid sleep.
3:20-- woke to fuss a bit. Not true crying, so I waited and watched. He got himself back to sleep.
3:25-3:45--sleep
3:45-- woke to fuss. Kept eyes open a bit after quieting down, but like before, no real howling/wailing, so i just watched and waited. He went back to sleep.

It is now 3:56, and since that last wake-up, he has popped eyes open to fuss a bit about three different times, but each time, he closes his eyes again after less than two minutes, only to fuss himself awake again.

My question is this-- Am I hurting his sleep to sit back and wait after he has done this multiple times? I mean, after one big wake-up, I know he's learning to self-soothe when he gets himself back to sleep. But if he is continuing to wake and then cry and then doze, and then repeat, is he really NOT sleeping? Is it time to pick him up and cuddle him and say, "Well-- he got nearly an hour. That's good enough."

Or is this helping him learn some skills? Am I too close to CIO? I feel that if he was REALLY wailing--breathless, teary-eyed, gaspy wailing-- and I didn't go to him, THAT would be cruel. But this is just such little fusses. Cries, yes, but minor ones. (Okay, is my guilt obvious? Am I CIO?? *sigh*)

Conclusion: Seriously, after less than 2 minutes of minor crying, he is all angelic and close-eyed again, like it was all a dream. Yet, he is getting himself worked up again after such a short period of this "sleep" that I am at a loss to know what is happening and if I am helping or hurting his sleep process.

Thanks for any advice/experiences/reassurance/stern scolding, etc."

Expert Response, Re:
January 30, 2008: Fussy Mid-Nap Wake-Ups

" What you are describing sounds excellent

I think you should leave him to it until he is 1) not happy and starts to do a 'real' cry and/or 2) it is his feed time.

As you say he is learning to resettle himself and this is something that you definitely want to encourage. The 'not real crying' is most probably his mantra cry.

I think you could give him a little help with some sh's if he is struggling to resettle but ideally leave him to do as much on his own as possible. He is doing really well.

To reassure - this is most definitely not CIO. Nothing like it. You are watching your baby's cues and responding to them - by doing nothing because he needs you to do nothing! Or very little."

My Response Back, Re:
January 30, 2008: Fussy Mid-Nap Wake-Ups

"**WHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWWWHHHH**

Big sigh of relief. THANK you.

And for what it's worth, it is now 4:32, and after one last cry/doze at 3:52, he has been OUT. No waking whatsoever. YAY!!!! Figuring this stuff out is so COOL. "

To be continued...

{**I know there might be readers out there that do things differently. I'm not asking for a debate or alternate opinions. I'm just journaling here. Thanks for respecting that!**}