Since being back at work, I find that it is the small things that I miss the most-- the way he is starting to babble more; the softest feel of his goose-down fluffy head of hair; the one-syllable laugh he does when something amuses him; the way he grabs my hand and pulls it towards his mouth, eager to sample its flavor...and a million other moments and details and gestures and expressions that my sweet 4-month-old son experiences each and every day.
I miss the small but steady changes he is making: how he clearly recognizes songs I sing to him now; how he knows when it's time to eat or sleep, just based on the surroundings he is taking in; how he is actively grabbing for things and tasting everything in sight... I worry that because I am gone during his most lively and vibrant part of the day, I will miss too much and one day come home and not recognize my son for who he has become.
I know that in the grand picture, two more months is a small, fleeting piece of time. But in the life of a growing infant, two months is an eternity. I might miss the feel of that first tooth... miss the moment he noticed that he can push himself up on his two wobbly arms... miss the way he begins to imitate the sounds of the animals Joe shows him nearly every day. And while I know these things might seem small to most of you, to me they are everything, and it hurts me to be away.
The only reassurance I have, besides knowing I will be coming home to him permanently in June, is knowing that his daddy it the one catching these moments like butterflies in a net, and holding them carefully in order to share them with me the moment I come home... Because if there is anyone else in this universe who prizes these teeny, insignificant moments as much as I do, it's my beloved, Joe. And he will be there to see the next two months blossom... And he will make sure I hear all the silly stories and revelations that happen to our brilliant and growing 4-month old boy.
So I'll make it to June. And grab as many moments with Noah that I can when I am home... And it will be okay.
7 comments:
I am also so afraid to leave each morning, afraid my little man will grow up too much while I am gone. It is so hard, isn't it?? My husband also watches my little guy while I am at work. I like to think that my absence gives the 'men' a chance to be men ... putting a positive spin on things makes me feel a **little** better. Hang in there. At least you have June to look forward to!
I miss him too... kiss him extra from his grandma!
Hey, did you photoshop in the reddish tint to his hair????
Mom-- I didn't.It's really there, sometimes! Not totally red, but reddish. Could only be the afternoon sunlight, or could be a true tint... I dunno, but it shows up here and there...
Reading this made me tear up so fast. I completely understand how you're feeling. I pray every day that when he does something new it will happen on a day I'm home, and not one that I'm in my office. . .
He is just too adorable!
btw- I just LOVE this little series of photos- it's capturing some of the many faces of Noah, all of them adorable in their own way. Not that I want him to grow up faster than he already is, but I can't wait for the time when he starts to recognize faces (besides yours and Joe's)- then, hopefully, it won't be so wierd for him when his long-distance aunts from Indiana come for a visit...
:)
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